Pandemic Teacher 2020

September 21, 2020

Well, it was hard to imagine how teaching could be harder than it was last spring. We were all swept out of our school buildings by the Coronavirus, COVID-19 and sent home. First it was to be two weeks, enough time for everyone to isolate and try to keep the virus at bay. But this virus is nothing like anything we have dealt with in my lifetime, or in the lifetimes of almost anyone alive. Two weeks stretched into a month, then 6 weeks, and at the end of April, the Governor finally acquiesced to the circumstances and stated that school would not return to in-person learning for the rest of the 2019-2020 school year.

The state of confusion in March 2020 was so intense that it took everyone weeks to find our way. I instinctively reached out to my students, sure that if I was this confused and isolated, they must be struggling too. That first week, almost all of my students arranged to meet with me on Zoom at least once a week; most met more often, and several asked to meet every day. Those meetings were a lifeline for me and for my students during the early days of quarantine and isolation. They allowed me to structure my time, and gave my students a fixed point in the day that helped record the passage of time. But, there was not a lot of real learning happening in the early days. Students were sleeping late, playing lots of video games, and all the while, the state told us that we couldn’t teach new content until we could figure out how to get everyone access to classes and curriculum. In the midst of that, there were fears that Zoom would not be secure enough for our purposes, so we were told we would need to use a less-user-friendly video calling platform called Microsoft Teams. I had just gotten my students acclimated to using Zoom when I needed to teach them and their families a whole new platform for connecting. There were articles about “Zoom-bombing” and other disruptions to the online learning experience. These disruptions scared many from trying to use video chats to connect with students at all.

Over the course of the spring, the educational directives evolved. First, we were allowed to meet with students, but not to teach anything new or provide direct services. Nor could we grade students for completion or non-completion of work. Next, we were encouraged to provide resources online to help students work on their goals and objectives, but we still were not supposed to teach students directly on our calls. Finally, after four weeks, we had permission to create the first assignments that students could be required to complete. Understandably, some students were completely out of practice with doing homework and classwork assignments after a month of being largely disengaged from their classes.

It took until some time in May before teachers started holding online classes live with students. There was no requirement for students to attend, so teachers needed to try to provide incentives to get students to attend their online classes. It was such a time of disengagement, confusion, and fear about what would happen next. I think this fear and trauma is still with us and many of our students now, even as we return to the new school year.

We are still far from what “normal” school would look like and we may not be able to return to that during this school year. This is absolutely the most difficult start to a school year that I have experienced since I was a brand-new teacher. Even then, at least everyone ELSE knew what they were doing! Now, we are all in new territory, groping our way blindly along the path, holding on to each other for support. It’s a very poignant time, I suppose, in the way we are all doing WHATEVER we need to do to make this experiment work, supporting each other in any way we can.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

So, we’re still in the tunnel, make no mistake. We’re in a hybrid learning model with all students who choose to be in school able to attend four days, Monday – Thursday, every other week. We’re wearing masks, cleaning surfaces, washing and sanitizing our hands to the point where I have permanent dry spots on my hands. Just a couple of weeks ago, we started pooled testing to get a better idea of what’s happening in school, who might be infected.

But our president just ordered states to get teachers vaccinated – NOW. This might have been one of the first times I can remember feeling so directly supported by the government in Washington (or anywhere else, to be honest). I’m grateful for Jill Biden and her perspective from the classroom, and for Joe Biden’s common sense and willingness to listen to her and countless other educators who have begged and implored our elected officials to get us more protection from the virus.

It’s a good thing President Biden made this order too, because on Friday, the Massachusetts Board of Education gave Commissioner Riley direct authority to require schools to bring back students in person full-time. Exciting, but confusing and stressful at the same time. Elementary schools will have their students in-person Monday – Friday starting April 5, the day after Easter Sunday. It’s an interesting idea to think about, the schools beginning their resurrection from 100% shutdowns almost exactly a year ago in the week after Christians will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. I certainly don’t feel close to death, but I do feel worn down in a way that I have never felt. As much as I am excited to have kids back in school, I am daunted and exhausted by the thought of navigating yet another large schedule shift in the middle of the school year.

It takes effort to help students adjust to each change. They are anxious each time the schedule changes, as we are, but they have fewer skills and tools to use to manage each transition. Each time the schedule changes, it takes one or two weeks for everyone to adjust. Most of us do adjust without too much drama, which is heartening, but some students do struggle more than others, and so it’s especially difficult to help these kiddos through multiple changes. I care deeply about my students and I want the best for them. I’m just running out of energy to help them (and their families, and my colleagues) navigate each new scenario.

Still, the light at the end of the tunnel is really there, and it is important to keep moving ahead, safely and carefully, but ahead nonetheless. This Tuesday I will go to a CVS and receive my first shot of the vaccine, the Pfizer one. I really had no idea when I would be able to get a vaccine, and I certainly didn’t expect to be texting with my colleagues at 5 am this past Saturday as we all tried to book appointments! One of my colleagues took my information and booked me an appointment when she got through first. I felt such gratitude and relief to know that my chance for the vaccine would be so soon!

A week from today will be the first day of Daylight Savings Time, which will bring longer hours of daylight in the afternoon, another kind of light that would have come either way, but that somehow I need even more this year.

I always tell my students and my own children to “put one foot in front of another” and we’ll get there. It still feels like a long walk ahead, with numerous potential speed bumps and detours, but we’ll keep walking because it’s the only way to get there.

We’re getting closer every day.

Snow Day!

Quite a winter storm we just had here in New England today! More than a foot of snow dropped on Massachusetts and made it impossible to get into the school building. In any other year, this would have been a no-brainer: obviously a full-on snow day was in order. Of course, there would be all the usual debate at the lunch table and in the classroom, and many times checking on the “Snow Day Calculator” website to see what the chances of an actual snow day would be.

This time is different. We all saw the forecasts creeping closer, predicting several inches of snow to fall right during the commuting hours. And yet, there was a strange flatness to all of it. There was no excited anticipation of the possibility of a snow day; instead, we all assumed that we would be simply going about our business remotely, as if it were any other day, because, after all, we could do that, right? We’re all set up to go remotely and most of us are teaching this way at least half the time anyway. And then, somehow, a different conversation started to happen. One of the middle schools said that they planned to take the day as a snow day and would not plan to conduct remote teaching and learning. They quickly reversed that statement pending approval from the district leadership, but the conversation had been started.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, the Superintendent had issued a statement saying that for many reasons, including educational equity for the youngest and highest need learners as well as pay equity for those who only get paid if they go to work in school, that the district would not require schools to conduct remote learning if we got a snowstorm. These are all very valid reasons, but I feel like they were cited to satisfy those who would object to a day without instruction, meant to provide concrete reasons that can’t be argued with. But the real reason is that everyone is really tired, and sometimes it’s just better to take a rest and go play in the snow, or sleep late and make pancakes for breakfast, or just take a break from computers for a day.

There have been many times over the last 13 years when I have disagreed with all or part of a district policy, but for today, they really got it right. Everyone got to have a good old-fashioned snow day, to do something so completely normal that it almost felt strange to do it. I’m still ready for the holiday break to begin next week, but today was a chance to breathe and rest my mind for a little while. I am so grateful to have had that space today.

Teaching During the Second Wave

In the best of times, December is a month in schools that can be a whirlwind of excitement for an upcoming break, alongside waning energies among students and teachers alike. This year is the same in some ways, and in some ways radically different. Of course, there is less excitement in the air, but you can always count on teenagers to get their spirits up for a good holiday and for a chance for more sleep. So, kids seem happy to chat about what they hope to get for the holidays and their favorite holiday treats and traditions. Beneath the chatter though, is the ever-present undercurrent of uncertainty and hesitation that we’ve all become accustomed to during the pandemic. No, they won’t be seeing relatives this year, because it’s too dangerous for grandparents. There won’t be any special outings as in years past, like the Nutcracker or other holiday shows, and the idea of going out to a restaurant as a family right now is almost terrifying to me.

Still, there are moments of shared joy, or something pretty close to it, that still happen in school every day. Working together on skills and new learning can often help us forget about the strange circumstances we’re all living in, even for a few minutes. I often feel a little guilty taking valuable teaching minutes to talk about video games and movies with my students, but they come alive when we talk about those things, and that feels normal.

This is absolutely the strangest school year any of us has ever experienced, obviously. But the part that is most confusing is the kinds of difficulties that students are having, and the kids who are having difficulty. There are the students that struggle in the best of times, of course, and so those kids are the ones we were already watching at the beginning of the year, ready to swoop in to help. But there are so many other kids who are just overwhelmed, disengaged, and exhausted by the online learning process. Without the physical school building to anchor them, individual courses shatter into separate pieces, with little to connect them. There is no sense of, “After science, I have to swing by my locker and say hi to my friend, then run upstairs to English class.” Even these little connections give meaning to a school day and make it more than just an academic exercise.

Maybe that’s why we’re all so tired. We are working with so many separate parts every day, unable to make meaningful connections or transitions between them. It’s so much harder to hold onto four separate academic periods than it is to “morning” and “afternoon” classes, or “in school” and “after school”. Without the physical connections of teachers, other students, the school building, even desks and lockers, we all seem to be struggling to build a context for storing our experiences. Instead, we begin to feel, as one teacher put it, that we are in the movie “Groundhog Day”, each day inexplicably identical to the one before, but with no connections between them to help us make meaning.

I don’t really have an answer for our situation. It’s pretty terrible, even if you’ve been fortunate enough to avoid getting sick. We need to help our kids, though. We need to help them find ways to make connections and make meaning from their experiences every day. We must continue to be kind to them and talk to them; keep them engaged and work hard to find ways to make connections between the separate pieces of each day and from one day to the next.

Thanks for listening, and stay safe.

Ready to Learn

Today, I have the opportunity to go back to school, hopefully to learn a new approach or technique to help my students become more successful.  It’s good to spend a day outside of the sometimes frenetic pace of the school day to listen, read, and think about ideas that can help me and my students do even better work in our days together.  This time of year is challenging at best, with end-of-the-year events coming fast and furious, state exams, and waning student (and teacher) energy for learning.   So far, we have had a cool spring, which has slightly delayed the usual spring fever, but once we get past Memorial Day, all bets are off!  

I am at a conference today which will discuss methods for creating a “Social-Emotional Learning” environment in my classroom.  Already I have learned about something called “Responsive Classroom”, which at first blush sounds a culture-building approach for classrooms very similar to what I try to achieve with my students.  I’m hoping that I will learn some new, engaging approaches to use in my classes.  The literature says that Responsive Classrooms teach love.  To me, this is a very affirming statement, because my approach has always been to teach students, not content, and to create a culture of respect, kindness, patience and empathy in all of my classes, starting with myself in the way that I interact with my students.  There are days when my patience is tested, to be sure, but at the end of the day, it is vitally important to me to come back the next day ready to teach, and to give every student a fresh start and a fresh chance to succeed.  Sometimes my students have trouble responding to that call; I just try to give the same message every day, until they are ready to respond.  

Days like today give me the space to reflect on what I do that I value, and hold it up to the light to see how I can do better: priceless.

Returning to School

So it’s the evening of the first day of school; feet are sore, minds are tired and full, and many students are undoubtedly dreading another early start tomorrow. We’ve begun the important process of getting to know each other, and right now, it is still pretty mechanical. We’re all doing what we know how to do; getting up, putting on new clothes for school, bringing in new binders and supplies. We’ve gotten haircuts, gone to the dentist and doctor for checkups, all to make ourselves ready once again for the important work of learning, but we haven’t yet formed our learning communities.

We are still “going through the motions” right now, but daily repetition will quickly remind us of how it feels to teach and to learn. Soon, we will be back “in the groove”, rolling along and learning new ideas, working to learn and perfect important skills.

For everyone who is exhausted tonight, who isn’t sure what tomorrow will bring and isn’t sure he or she wants to know, and who wonders if it will be okay this year: Know that it will be okay; we will remember how to learn, how to be in school. We will be excited and intrigued by new ideas this year, and we will live up to challenges that we can’t even define yet. We simply need to show up and try our best, and keep trying; if we can do this, we cannot fail.

Using John Steinbeck’s The Pearl to discuss wealth

The Pearl by John Steinbeck is a classic tale of love, hate, passion and greed.  Kino and Juana must ask themselves the age-old question: how much is “enough”?

How would you answer that question?

The Pearl Movie Trailer